"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
