just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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