I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
