Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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