thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
