the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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