shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
