the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I cannot find my penis.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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