are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
