in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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