I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
