Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
