Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
