he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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