Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
