it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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