no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
