Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
