I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
