I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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