You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
