My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
party gras won. party gras always wins.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
