I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
