So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
