After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
