I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
