I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
