Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
