just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
