You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
