I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
