My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
