This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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