I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
