I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
