totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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