Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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