Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
