In the future we'll all be gay
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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