I skipped work to stalk him.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
