So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
