I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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