I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
