I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
