Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
