sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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