The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
