you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
