all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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