She is in my trunk
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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