This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
