What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
