Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
