Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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