what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
