No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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