Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
