I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
